Happy Birthday Lilly

A year ago we were dealing with the hardest things that we have ever dealt with. A year ago, we were trying to figure out how to say goodbye to a daughter that we had never met. A year ago, I felt lost, hopeless and desperate.

A year later and sometimes I feel like not much has changed. In a few short weeks it will be Lilly's birthday. What do I do? Do I celebrate, pretend that it isn't? Due to the weather, I have not been to her grave in quite a few months. Honestly, I am scared to go. At first it was so easy and I spent a lot of time there, talking to her. I think at that point I was still numb. I still have daily conversations with her, just not at the cemetary. I have a morning ritual on my way to work..my "Lilly time". I can only imagine what people think as they see me talking to myself. It may seem odd.. but it helps me to keep her close and to share my life with her since she cannot share her life with me.

The past few months I have become very frustrated with myself. I am a strong believer in so many causes and yet I do very little to support any cause. We all know I have strong opinions - but who am I to complain about the ways of the world if I do nothing to change things? This month I finally decided to get involved and in doing so also decided that my whole family would be too! I put together a family team and we are walking in the March for Babies at the end of April. I have always supported the March of Dimes by donating whenever I was asked.. but this time I am walking 4 miles and collecting donations so that I can make a bigger impact. I decided that this walk would be in Lilly's memory, a simple way to celebrate her short life and her birthday - a positive out of all of the negatives that I have been feeling. I have to send a big THANK YOU to all that donated to me and all that have said that they will be. It is so nice to remember what I strong support system I have in place, during both the high's and low's of life!

For those of you who haven't donated.. please visit and donate today! Every donation makes a difference!